Well, there seem to be two states of mind, One is visionary, the other blind, And the best that we can hope to find, Is to meet somewhere in between

You’ll forgive my silence these last many months I hope. You see, after writing about Ross I felt I really had not much more to add to this crowded world of blogs and ramblings. Some of it is because his music and his story touched me so deeply that I have been at a loss as to how to follow up. Some of it is that I’ve just been really busy working, resting from work, traveling, recording my own music – and lots of time running (or as some would say ‘jogging’, my drug, my sanity keeper). These activities have been keeping me busy. But - the Holidays are now upon us and the year has gone by quickly so it seemed like a good time to check in and say hello again.

This being Thanksgiving I thought I would chime in and share some of the thoughts and ideas I’m grateful for. If you know me personally than you know there have been some really dark years – if you’re reading this blog for the first time – let me just say the fact that I’m alive to write this blog and didn’t do anything stupid is a feat of – well – angels? Persistence? Upbringing? I think maybe that’s a big part of it. The lessons taught to me by my departed family members ultimately may have saved my life. I would also like to add that there are many living people who, along the way, saved me as well. I needed saving. I know it’s ‘weak’ to say that you ‘need’ something – but it’s downright true. We can’t do it alone – sometimes there are things bigger than us and fighting our demons many times requires the love and support of others.

I think the ‘funny’ thing about all of this – if there is a ‘funny’ thing – is that the love seems to go on. I know it might sound crazy but there are moments when I feel my mother’s presence – when I hear her voice in my head or can feel her last hug on me. I’ll never forget that last hug. I know what day it was – I know where we were standing and I know where the sun was sitting in the sky. I also know she looks over me all these years later. It was her voice that stopped me from taking things to too far and past the point of no return. It was her teachings and beliefs that she shared with me in the years before her passing that helped me get through her sudden departure - and the ones that followed in the next year and a half. So I do believe as that cheesy song says that ‘love goes on’. (Or was it my heart? Either way, if you have to ask what that song is you’re reading the wrong blog and should move on to the next one, lol).

As for another not – so - cheesy song featured in the most awesome film, Love Actually, love is, ‘all around us’ (really Hugh Grant says this in a voice-over but the song that’s playing whilst he’s saying it…well...). How do I know? I feel it. I feel I’ve come out of a tunnel since my departure from Los Angeles. I am feeling the love of those that came before me and those I’ve met along the way.

You see, when you emerge from a tunnel – whether you’re driving, you’re the passenger or you’ve been asleep, no matter what, it takes time to adjust your vision. I mean that quite literally and figuratively. It’s dark, the lights are on, but vision is limited. You see the light, you move closer, ever so slowly your eyes adjust. You reach the end of the tunnel – it’s a BIG light – but still your eyes need time, as does your mind. Time to take stock - figure out what’s going on – and though it’s blinding at first you find your way. You find the road – the line – the path you are meant to be driving. You feel the warmth of the sun and you put your foot on the gas….you are free.


Free? For what? Free to move on? Free to be you and me? Maybe it’s just feeling free to feel. Maybe it’s freedom to listen to your heart when your mind is bossing you around. Maybe when you’ve survived a tunnel you learn to appreciate the people in your life who make you smile, dance in the kitchen when a song comes on that you never knew you both liked, or maybe it’s as simple as making you feel loved. Maybe it’s not about ‘making’ you feel loved. Maybe it’s you allowing yourself to feel it.

I can say I do. I haven’t always but I do. I feel the love of the people in my life and those that maybe aren’t around. Maybe you stopped in for a spell, maybe you stayed awhile. But either way I think that love does carry on long after the person has left our side. It transcends miles, universes, and the hereafter. Love is, all around us. For that I am grateful. Grateful to be able to know that it is and grateful that it simply IS.

This posting is for all those people throughout the years who have made me feel loved and continue to do so. I wish you all (readers too) a Happy Thanksgiving…may your bellies be full and your hearts fuller. And may your mind take a rest...

Thanks for tuning in….Until next time…Cheers!

If you knew I was loosing you would you find me? If you heard how I needed you would you run to the garden of Shilo?

Peter Himmelman is not someone I think most people have heard of. He’s not on the top ten radar, despite his interesting voice and well written songs, and he’s not in the tabloids as some jerky rock star. He’s a guy who has put out 21 albums over the years, including this year’s children’s CD, My Green Kite, but unless you are listening to any one of the eclectic internet radio stations out there, or paying attention to the music in the TV shows “Bones”, “Judging Amy” or “Men In Trees” you most likely have been missing out.

For the most part his music is your basic rock and roll with a little rap thrown in on a tune, “Prelude” from his 1994 album Skin: “I’m a wealthy guy who just happens to be fantastically handsome”. It’s clever, tongue in cheek and a fun song to listen to. But I think his strengths lie in his quieter more contemplative songs such as “Nowhere Else To Go”. “What to do with all these useless plans, that well up in my heart and overflow, I know it aint right and I’m at your door tonight but I got nowhere else to go”. The song highlights his scruffy voice and his melodic sweetness more than his rock stuff.

One of the cooler things about his songwriting as evidenced in the above mentioned “Shilo” (from Skin) and his song “Whispering Days” from 1991’s From Strength To Strength are the spiritual undertones in his music. “These mystical days and my faith can’t be broke… these are whispering days and the harbour is still, not surrendering any secrets now but tomorrow it will….I’ll sing it for you my lover these whispering days…”. It’s not preachy stuff, it’s just there , but it makes for songs you can listen to over and over and never get tired of because there is always something new to discover in every line he’s written.

Whether you like out and out rock or are looking for something a little deeper and more meaningful, you’ll find it on any given album of his, so find him and have yourself a listen! www.peterhimmelman.com

I spent another long 12 hour Sunday at the kiddie theatre yesterday – it was my eighth day in a row and I have 3 more to go before I get a day off and am essentially done with this show. I can’t wait! I’m very tired of these rude children and some of the parents that are attached to them who look at me like I’m a ghost, or are just out and out dismissive and rude themselves. Thankfully most of the parents are actually pretty cool and nice. They give us hugs, say thank you and it’s obvious they know how hard we all work to make a good show for their kids. Thank god for them or I might completely loose my cookies!

One of the cool things is the after-show people watching. Being that we are in Hollywood you never know who’s in the audience and yesterday Rosanna Arquette was in attendance. I have no idea why she was there – if she had a kid in the show, or if she even HAS kids….but she was there and not the politest of people. Not to nit pick, but I did hold the door open for her and she didn’t even say thank you. When later I needed to get by her, as I politely excused myself she gave me a dirty look and a bit of attitude. In all fairness it may be that I’m just tired and cranky and wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone at that point so it may not have been all her. But still, there’s no reason not to at least be polite or congenial.

If she only knew that I don’t give a shit about her ‘star status’ (possibly B List status?) or her crappy show “What About Brian” – which if it never aired again wouldn’t be a loss – and if she only knew that the only thing I wanted to ask her was if that Toto song was really about her, than maybe she would have been more human. Who knows? Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she should visit the garden of Shilo…hell…maybe I should!

Thanks for tuning in…Until next Monday….CHEERS!!!